This entire collection was probably recorded just to give me a reason to release this song.

More than a song, really. It is a tale of uncertainty and loss in the moments and movements of the modern world. A paean to weakness in the face of overwhelming odds. Really, it is a modern gospel. More, an existential cry into the void at the meaninglessness of our lives as we drive our old, broken down pickup trucks home from our nine to fives knowing full well that it will all start again tomorrow, just after we repair the broken toilet in the hall with duct tape and feed the chickens. It’s really a philosophical treatises encompassing a critique of modern life and all that we have built, the uncaring, relentless universe, and how much living in Spotsylvania sucks.

Beyond that:

This is, I think, the oldest song in the collection and is about a moment of weakness when I broke down on the way home from work and bought a pack of smokes. And lost them in the parking lot when I stopped by the grocery to grab some beer. And, as I searched in and around my truck for them, I glanced over the dash and saw a bumper sticker on the car parked in front of me that said “Jesus Saves.”

And I said to myself “Yeah, maybe, but I think Jesus stole my f**king cigarettes.”

I had the song pretty much written by the time I got home.

Jesus Stole My Cigarettes

Jesus stole my cigarettes
He’s probably trying to help
Me get myself together
Cuz I can’t help myself

I looked under the front seat and
I looked under the dash
All I found is loose change
Old junk mail and ash

I think Jesus stole my cigarettes

I know he knows I don’t believe
Tho I sometimes shout his name
When the car I’m on the road behind
Is driving me insane.

I don’t think that he thinks I’m lost
Just never found a light
After all, he stole my cigarettes
In the end he’s probably right.

I think Jesus stole my cigarettes

He knows it’s been an awful day
He knows that I lack strength
He knows that they don’t taste too good
And I’ll end up smelling rank.

So Jesus stole my cigarettes
Just probably trying to help
Me get myself together
Cuz I can’t help myself.

I think Jesus stole my cigarettes